Pain
by Emz951
Summary: Draco finds Harry's dead body and realises that he has lost the one thing in his life that really matters to him. He has two choices: he can act out of cowardice and commit suicide, or live with the pain. Which will he choose?


Disclaimer: As we all know, all of the characters in this story are J. K. Rowling's creation, and I apologise for them behaving in any out-of-character ways. Also, this is a songfic and all the music used is adapted from _Oceans Away_ by _The Fray._

A/N: This is my first fanfic and I realise it is by no means very good. I hope that as it's fairly short you will read it and give me some constructive criticism so that I can write some improved ones in the future. I also thank my sister, who, in the infinite wisdom of having completed a 25/25 essay, has checked my work.

Without further ado, and hoping you don't find it too terrible:

**Pain**

_Figure since I'm so far gone, oceans away, I can lay my sabre down today._

Draco crouched by the body of the broken boy he had been too late to save, and wept, not caring who was watching or what they saw. The only thing that mattered was the motionless boy clutched to him in an eternal embrace, strong as that of two magnets with opposite poles. A painful parallel to the opposite poles of life that had always separated the two boys; and that which had always stopped Draco reaching his heart's desire.

_I miss the words I love, the words you did not say._

_I miss the kiss you never, never gave away._

How could Harry have known Draco's feelings towards him? How could he have known that Draco had dreamed of their soft lips touching under a star-studded sky, their bodies entwined so tight they would never separate? He couldn't, of course, for there was no way Draco could have told him. But now he wished he had, wished he had been brave enough to reveal his feelings and wished he had had enough courage to face the rejection he had known would follow. For there was always the chance Harry would have accepted him.

_Honestly I thought that we could make it all the way._

Crying bitterly, he cursed his family, the main influence over his less than friendly attitude towards Harry. But what if Harry could have forgiven him the faults of a family engrossed deeply in Dark Magic. What if he had been able to accept Draco for what he was and been prepared to risk everything for him?

They could have been great, had a love powerful enough to stop the inevitable interference from both Lucius and the other Death Eaters.

_But stone by stone the castle crumbled to the ground._

But Draco had passed up every opportunity to tell Harry of his love, every opportunity to save himself from the pain, despite the dagger slowly cutting further into his heart every time he looked into the bright green eyes. The eyes which reflected the curse which had torn Harry's life apart when he had been so young.

_I stood and stared as you started to fall into the waves._

He had just watched from afar through Harry's struggles, never once raising a hand to comfort him or to help, knowing all the time that it could have made that crucial difference. And now Harry was dead, and it was his fault for not protecting him. He should have been there at Harry's side all the time, but instead he had been too afraid of the consequences following those actions.

_There goes the sun, oceans away,_

_And days die young when you're gone,_

And now the only reason for his pitiful existence was gone and the light of his life was lost. All that was left was the darkness. Then he saw his wand. And realised. He didn't have to endure this darkness for ever. He could join Harry for all eternity. What was left for him here anyway? Only that which he had always hated and dreamt of throwing away for Harry's sake. He raised the wand, trained his weeping eyes on Harry's face and slashed at his own skin with the 'Sectumsempera' curse. He would bleed to death and could finally join the love of his life. And as his blood trickled over Harry's motionless body, they were joined forever in pain and suffering.

_And leaves the day for someone else._

And yet, as the first wave of the heavy, metallic stench of blood hit his nostrils, he knew this was not what Harry would have wanted. He had thrown his life away to save the wizarding world. And here was Draco, making his sacrifice all the less worthwhile. He couldn't do that.

And yet he only had two choices. He could lie here in cowardice and let himself die, or he could be brave and make Harry's sacrifices worthwhile. Now Draco knew there was no choice. If he was ever to make himself worthy of Harry, he would have to endure a small fraction of the pain he knew Harry must have felt through his life. He must make his, Draco's, life mean something, and maybe one day he could be accepted by Harry in death for his strength.

_Here's to the man of your dreams._

And so, as the nausea swept over him, he leaned over to gently kiss the still-warm lips of the fallen angel in his arms and then turned away, never once looking back as he staggered towards the castle to find help, tears stinging his eyes. He would survive the pain, just as he always had done.

_I take it all in a box and make my way down to the shore,_

_Throw it in and begin to leave it to the waves._


End file.
